Got boobs?

Very very very proudly at 14 months breastfeeding now!  Go Memmy!

Being Mum in front of the camera.

23. Have (updated) professional family photos done (Completed September 21, 2014)

This was a goal I was both excited about ticking off, but also dreading.

I was one of those mothers.  I was going to lose weight and have photos!  Except instead of losing weight, the number on the scale was going up.  And I realised that if I waited until I lost weight, I was never going to have photos of my family that included me.  Because despite the fact that I take photos of families for a living, and despite the fact I am constantly telling mothers to get in to photos with their children - I did not practice what I would preach.  

I cried when I went shopping for an outfit.  I came home empty handed and frustrated and in a very self depreciating mood.  Ty hid from me.  It wasn't a fun experience for either of us!  I went back without him.  I went back in to one shop, decided I wanted something in navy blue, and set myself the task.  I didn't look for long.  The first thing that looked ok was what I got.  Turns out, I rather love that dress.  It's pretty, it's comfortable, and it doesn't cling to my fat rolls.  Fingers crossed, Gina.  Hope for the best.  

Still, right up until I actually got there?  I wanted to cancel that shoot.  I made up many excuses in my head as to how I could put it off until I lost that weight.  For the record, if I did, I'd still be waiting.  And our photographer was not going to let me out of it - she knew exactly where my head was.

Mandii from Xanthe Photography is my kind of person - fun, silly, natural.  We've developed a friendship through our love of photography, and I am so grateful to have her in my life.  She was having none of my self-hate.  And despite not loving myself very much, I trusted her.  And she was great.  And she is amazing at what she does.  And I am so in love with our family photos.  We now have 2 beautiful canvases hung in our lounge room - a family portrait, and one of our 3 gorgeous kids with their favourite soft toys.  I am soon to create a photobook displaying my 60 favourite images.  And I 100% LOVE showing our photos to people, and absolutely do not care what people think of me in these photos.  Because they are so beautiful, and they are so us.  And they make me SO happy.

And here's the thing.  I surprised myself.  The first image that Mandii gave us a sneak peak of made me cry.  Me and my baby boy.  Not "OMG look at how awful I look", but "OMG I finally have a stunning photo of me and my Memphis".  And it is.  And I actually kinda love myself in it.  I look at it and think wow, he's so tiny yet suddenly not so tiny.  Look at his cheeky grin and those little fingers.  Those beautiful big eyes.  And look at me.  It's nothing to do with the fact that I  actually don't look that fat and everything to do with the fact that I look HAPPY.  That's me and my baby.  (The colour version is amazeballs, by the way... I've attached it further down!)

The first image I saw from our shoot.

All of our images captured our family exactly as we are.  Silly, cheeky, fun.  The kids had fun, and were able to explore.  Ty and I were comfortable.  The end result is a beautiful gallery full of happy photos.  So many people have made comment on how happy we look.  How much fun we must have had.  And fancy that, not one person has commented about my weight.  I've had nothing but positive comments.  And sure I still need to lose weight, but I needed to have these photos more.  It wasn't really about waiting for me to lose weight, in the end.  It was capturing my family as it is now.  Young, fun, silly.  Memphis just before he turns 1, Zavian as his cheeky 3 year old self, and Lexi, our 5 year old school girl.  Still in those stages of innocence that seem to evaporate far too early these days.

I needed these photos as much for the kids as I did for me.  They'll look back on photos I myself have taken, sure, and there are many many many images of the 3 of them and also a lot of them with their Daddy.  But images with Mummy are sparse because I hide behind the camera.  Ty rarely takes photos of me with the kids and a lot of the photos of me with them are selfies from a camera phone.  So now they have beautiful images.  Images that they will look back on and say hey look, there's my mum.  I can pretty much guarantee they'll be looking at our family and how happy we are.  And that they won't give a rats ass about the size of my body.

Go and have photos taken with your children.  Every child needs a beautiful photo with their mum.  But more than that, every mum needs one with her children.  Lucky for me, I now have quite a few.

Memphis | 30 November 14

Your birthday month has come to an end. You are a year old, and such a happy, cheeky and beautiful little boy. We ended the month with you mucking around on the couch with Daddy and the big kids. You think having your feet touched to your face is hilarious. Love ya guys cutie boy <3

Memphis | 29 November 14

Loving this park weather! More park times with Daddy while Mummy works. Today I came back to find you playing on the rocker, which you were more interested in licking than riding!

Memphis | 28 November 14

Lunch time today we visited Daddy on his lunch break! You stole some goodies from his lunch break and got to check out a wallaby. You were tired and grumpy, but you enjoyed cuddles with Daddy.

Memphis | 27 November 14

Nana came to visit with Tayreese and Kirsty today! She bought you a paddle pool for your birthday, lucky boy! You had fun competing with Tay for Nana's attention!

Memphis | 26 November 14

Leo doesn't actually like you that much. But you don't care - you persist (which is why he's not so keen)! You stalk him all over the place "yelling" at him and trying to get his attention. You are a little too rough, but you are learning.

Memphis | 25 November 14

You love park time with Daddy, when I am working. I came to find you when I finished and you were having a great time!

Memphis | 24 November 14

We visited Nana's place today. I wondered where everyone got and found that Jade had set you, Tayreese, Lexi and Zavian up on the kiddie-couch so that you could play schools! You were outta there as quick as can be!

Memphis | 23 November 14

We had a special visitor this weekend! Your great-aunty Tash, who is also one of your Godmothers, came to stay to celebrate you turning 1! You had so much fun mucking around and playing with her and as always, she spoiled you rotten!

Memphis | 22 November 14

You Naming Day/1st Birthday party was today. A very special day as our beautiful friend April officially introduced you to our family friends and named you. Memphis means enduring and beautiful. And that you most definitely are. 
You have been the most perfect addition to our family. The three of you are the perfect fit.

Memphis | 21 November 14

Shower time is probably your favourite time of the day. You weren't feeling the best tonight and it was probably all of about 3 minutes in to the shower that Daddy called out and said you were asleep. This happens on a fairly regular basis!

Memphis | 20 November 14

Ahhhh the every messy studio has become a laundry room - I could almost lose you in there some days. I spend what felt like eternity down there sorting through clothes, washing, hanging, drying, folding and you spent the entire time crawling around at high speeds chasing a balloon and squealing with delight. Balloons are one of your favourite things and you will spend ages smacking them around the house! Sometimes when you are grumpy and following me around crying I will blow up a balloon and you fast forget I even exist!

Memphis | 19 November 14

Hello new toys! Jac and Rhiannon thought of you when they found this pre-loved toy of Rhiannons. And so here it is and you LOVE it! You are learning to get on and off, as you are still not pulling yourself up, however when we pop you on it you have so much fun turning the pages and pressing the crayons so it sings and make noise. You get the giggles and will spend ages playing on it! And when you are done, you still can't get yourself off confidently, so you squeal and usually Lexi will come and get you down! I don't see you walking any time soon when you have a big sister to do it all for you!

Memphis | 18 November 14

Weigh day! Alison came for a visit today, she is our home visiting Child Health Nurse. You have normally been indifferent to her, but today you were all chatty and excited. You haded her a block and some beads before scooting off to find your ball bopper. Weight has been an issue for you since you were born, you gain slowly and the past couple of months have been (simply put) shit in the gain department. However, a gain is a gain and you are now 6.48kg at 12 months old! For perspective, Zavian was 8.1kg and Lexi was 8.5kg when they turned 1!

Memphis | 17 November 14

It is moments like these that I've been excited for since you were born. You and Zavian are starting to play. Zavian has loved you since he saw you, however until you were able to interact with him he was typically a 3 year old boy and quite "meh" about playing. But now? He loves to do things with you, like taking you down the slide when we play at the park. I think he enjoys it so much more than you do, at this point in time, but I adore that he wants to take you with him. You love him so much, you follow him around and you like to sneak in and take his cars that he is playing with, so you can join in too. I think you'll be the best of friends.

Memphis | 16 November 14

Today Aunty Chrissy and Alex came for a visit! So much fun because they bought CAKE and you got to smash it and eat it and roll in it and basically just indulge in a way I will probably never let you again hahah. You were very serious most of the time, taking your time to enjoy every lick of that buttercream icing. Alex decided you needed a hand and crawled on over to help you out! Could you two be any cuter!

Memphis | 15 November 14

Another cool new toy you got for your birthday, you loved discovering all the fun parts of this activity centre from Aunty Cat and Uncle Dale. You love the xylophone part and Lexi taught you how to use the rod to make lots of noise. And you have been trying to pull yourself to stand up at it (no success yet, but you will get there). This is probably one of the coolest toys you have!

Memphis | 14 November 14

Beep Beep! You have a new toy! You love your new present (although you weren't impressed that I "locked" you in it hehe). You have been having a great time honking the horn and pushing all the buttons. There is a spinny thing on the back that makes lots of noise, too. Always a winner! And you have have worked out where to "post" the balls in to the door. You have been back and forward in and out of the door of the car enjoying your new little space!

Memphis | 13 November 14

One year ago, at 7:11pm after a 19 hour labour, you interrupted our midwives meal break as you were ready to meet the world. 1994g, 40cm long, 4 weeks early and induced due to IUGR, our labour and delivery was very different to what we had expected. You, also, were different. You were so much smaller, so much more fragile, and way more perfect than we could ever have imagined. You are the most content, happy and loving baby. You are full of affection, with so many cuddles and big baby kisses. You love to give high-5's and you play a mean game of peeka-boo. You have a contagious smile and the most adorable giggle. You have no desire to pull yourself up or to walk, but you crawl at lightning speed. Everyone who meets you falls in love with you, you really are such a delightful child. And that's not even Mummy bias! You're such a sweet little boy. You adore your big brother and sister, and they adore you too. I cannot believe one year has passed. It's been a huge year, with lots of ups and downs. Lots of scares but way more happy times. You have been in some ways our most challenging and stressful baby (healthwise), however you have been by far our easiest, most content.
We love you so much. Thank you for being everything we could have ever dreamed of and more xoxoxox